Have you ever experienced this? It's the hatred truly of yourself. I see no good in me, although my husband, family and friends tell me differently. They tell me I have a great sense of humor and a great laugh, yet deep underneath, there is a hatred that I cannot seem to tolerate or remedy. Then I think, how can I love this precious little angel that is such a gift from God, and my husband, family and friends so much, when I loathe myself. I hate the mental situation that I'm in. I feel weak, powerless, tired. My interests are gone. I would rather sleep or sometimes just simply stare.
I feel out of control, confused and dreadful. I have no insights to this. I don't know why I feel this toward myself. It is partial hormones... blah, blah, blah, but that doesn't change the fact that my mind feels as if it is real... so therefore it is.
I have NEVER had a plan for suicide, nor do I ever plan on having one, however, the intrusive thoughts keep telling me how much easier it would be if I weren't here. The "thought monkeys" tell me that I'm a waste of space, skin, and air. My husband tells me to counteract that with positive thoughts, yet I ask this.... How can I find positivity when I'm trapped in hell?