Medication is working again.

Thank God!  That is all.

Nope.... I lied

So, the Abilify WAS working, but.... today I'm back to wondering what it's like to have a bullet go through my head.  Was that too much?  Welcome to my world.

Abilify...

Is working.....  Whew!  Ok.... two days down.  Let's see how this rolls. 

Here we go again....

Hi old friend... or whatever you are.  Depression, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation....  they're all back.  Don't know why, how or what the purpose is, but it's all back.  I'm back on Abilify to see if that will make it stop.  If not, I'm becoming more and more open to going back to the hospital.... ONLY for the Partial Hospitalization Program... anything beyond that.... will be against my will...

Let's see how this goes...

Even after all these months...

Months after being diagnosed with severe PPD, PPA and now what they think was OCD, I'm still on medication.  My severe depression has lifted, however today is a rough day....  I can feel it looming.  Waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce.  I think about the Outpatient program I was in, and I miss it.  There was safety there.  I could be myself there.  And although it is associated with a horrible time in my life, I still remember how I was free to analyze my depression, in a comfortable place where there was no judgment.  Now, in the "real world" I catch myself putting on the fake smile, pretending to care and be happy.... when there are times that I'm not. 

I also was late on my medication today, so that could be part of it.  I may never be "normal" again.  But maybe this is my "normal" and I have to learn to live with that.

I had another intrusive thought last night... I'm on guard now.  I'm scared.  I don't want to go back.

Beauty

The Apocalypse is upon us!

Totally off subject from the usual... but this is Important!
So, if you didn’t know… the Apocalypse is upon us… May 21, 2011 is our last day. According to the wecanknow.com website, they are, “no longer offering free printed materials since there is not enough time remaining for us to effectively produce and distribute them”

From the website, “Christ Returns May 21, 2011
Sorry, we are no longer accepting requests for free materials.”

What are you going to do with your last days on earth?  Apparently, Camping and his followers are still going to accept donations....